Still struggling to find my lost voice. Perhaps I should post a flyer on a telephone pole. My gutlessness is a daily disappointment to the carrion birds.

Contents Under Pressure May Explode...

Inarticulation has reached critical mass. I have always been so good at holding things together even when I don't hold things together. Pathologically even tempered. Lately though I feel like I am on 24 hour permanent on call status for everyone. I have so much I am responsible for everywhere that I cannot get anything done anywhere. I have reached the proverbial breaking point. One thing on the pile too many. I am a raw and aching nerve. I am irrationally, inexpressably angry and anxious and unable to cope. I know a lot of this is hormone related. The timing is not coincidental - I a bleeding and raging and I am a pathetic disintegrative mess. I think I used to feel this way more often, it's just foreign to me know and I can't process the anger that comes with it, other than to hole up in my room or in a corner and neglect everything I should be doing rather than risk snapping at someone or something. My house is a wreck. There are no clean dishes left. I have to work tomorrow. I can't sleep. My escape the house for the evening plans got cancelled at the last minute. I want to scream and break things or just give up but Ibut I know this will all seem trite and silly in the morning or in a day or whenever it stops.

La Loteria...

I've just randomly discovered that those eerie images one sees on Downtown area folkart matchbooks and wooden ladder games does indeed have a history...You know, the images of "The Mermaid" and "El Diablo" and "El Corazon?" The official name is Loteria and it's yet another example of wild and uncultivated mythology echoing Appalachian English Folk Songs or the African pantheons in Santeria

Loteria is one among many semi-ancient traditions still alive in Mexico by way of long journeys through history, migration and traditional lore. It is part Tarot, part "bingo" game and part esoteric mystery cult. The cards are the symbolic answers to riddles or rather the question to each answer, like a Jeapordy game hosted by the Sphynx...

A guide to Loteria Riddles
Examples:
"The Blanket of the Poor" equals The Sun
"He that sang to St. Peter will not return to sing again" is The Rooster

There's not a lot out on the web re the deeper meaning of all this, but being who I am I am of course about to go all Robert Graves on it and traverse the wilds of the electronic frontier to delve into the history and meaning of it all. Armchair Mythologists of the world unite and take over...

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Currently listening : In the Aeroplane Over the Sea By Neutral Milk Hotel Release date: 1998-02-10